Have you ever thought about how you praise your child? 'Good boy !' , 'Wow', 'You are such a nice girl', 'Very good', 'Amazing! I am so happy', 'Awesome'...these may be phrases which might cross your mind.
Very often the praise we give to our kids don't have the desired effect. You will be surprised to know that many a times it leaves a child confused.This is usually because our communication is made from the point of view of the adult. The child is given a message that the praise giver is happy but it leaves the child wondering what exactly caused you to be happy. Hence the child focus shifts to making mom or dad or teacher happy, instead of doing more of the act which elicited praise.
Here's a EASY way to give effective praise to children.
E: Provide Evidence - what did I observe - state it clearly
A: What Action from the child caused it
S: Say what the actions tells about ...
Y: ...Your child [ Highlight the quality you want to see more of ]
Examples? Here are a few:
What a clean room this is ! (Evidence) You have taken care to put your toys away after playing with them (Action). I am so happy ...it means you are a child who can be so responsible about your belongings and your room.
I see you have finished your homework. You did it on your own without a reminder from me. It shows you can very well manage your studies when you decide to do it all by yourself.
I noticed you were very kind to your younger sister when you let her play with your toys. I am very pleased. I know that you can be a kind and caring child .
Your plate is clean ! Wow ...you have finished eating all your food. I know you want to be strong and eat all that is given to you.
Some Do's and Don't
Be explicit in stating the qualities that you want in your child - courteous, punctual, tidy, caring, responsible, funny, sensitive, brave, etc
Avoid leaving a negativity at the end of the praise - 'Wow you have finished your food, this time at least', 'You are on time, for once'
Be enthusiastic in your praise
When someone else praises your child, make it EASY for him or her by explaining the actions which obtained the praise.