Thursday, March 7, 2013

How To Praise Kids

Have you ever thought about how you praise your child? 'Good boy !' , 'Wow', 'You are such a nice girl', 'Very good', 'Amazing!  I am so happy', 'Awesome'...these may be phrases which might cross your mind.

Very often the praise we give to our kids don't have the desired effect. You will be surprised to know that many a times it leaves a child confused.This is usually because our communication is made from the point of  view of the adult. The child is given a message that the praise giver is happy but it leaves the child wondering what exactly caused you to be happy. Hence the child focus shifts to making mom or dad or teacher happy, instead of doing more of  the act which elicited praise.

Here's a EASY way to give effective praise to children.

E: Provide Evidence - what did I observe - state it clearly
A: What Action from the child caused it
S: Say what  the actions tells about ...
Y: ...Your child   [ Highlight the quality you want to see more of ]

Examples?  Here are a few:

What a clean room this is ! (Evidence)  You have taken care to put your toys away after playing with them (Action). I am so happy ...it means you are a child who can be so responsible about your belongings and your room.

I see you have finished your homework. You did it on your own without a reminder from me. It shows you can very well manage your studies when you decide to do it all by yourself.

I noticed you were very kind to your younger sister when you let her play with your toys. I am very pleased. I know that you can be a kind and caring child .

Your plate is clean !  Wow ...you have finished eating all your food. I know you want to be strong and eat all that is given to you.

Some Do's and Don't

Be explicit in stating the qualities that you want in your child - courteous, punctual, tidy, caring, responsible, funny, sensitive, brave, etc

Avoid leaving a negativity at the end of the praise - 'Wow you have finished your food, this time at least', 'You are on time, for once'

 Be enthusiastic in your praise

When someone else praises your child, make it EASY for him or her by explaining the actions which obtained the praise.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

How to Manage Children's TV Watching

One of the serious problems of TV is that it robs us of the opportunity to perform one of the most important functions of the human mind , imaging. When you are watching TV, you are in the experience and the work of the mind in imaging is preempted. The image is there for you. The child's CPU is off, it is a mostly in  a dumb receive mode.

The world of imaging is one of the most important in developing  the minds of children. Children need a few cues to start think freely. They need to develop the pictures in their mind using their own imagination, rather than having the images filled up and deposited into their minds. The creation of our own minds is far more powerful and satisfying - the reason why the movie based on a book you have read is at times less enjoyable than the book  itself.

Young children's minds are also psychologically affected by the content of TV , as much as the parental influences. The subliminal modern day messages about consumption, comparison, competition, win-lose relationships , inconsistent morality and sensitive topics such as alternate sexuality, divorce, death etc can leave deep impressions, if left unregulated. Advertisements with sexual innuendos can leave completely wrong messages with children. The recent crime incident in Delhi has perhaps robbed an entire generation of kids of their innocence. A generation of ten or eleven year olds have been  rudely introduced  by prime time TV to the terrifying concept of sexual brutality even before they learnt their own naughty version of sex  through whispered jokes and classroom giggles.

What Can We Do as Parents?

It's perhaps very simple - Plan your TV usage. Decide the TV programs you want to watch and make time for it. Make your children choose the TV programs they want to see. Make them choose and engage in a open dialogue with you. It forces them to use planning and decision making skills. You can also set a expectation of balance of choices- informative programs vs pure entertainment. Planning TV time  help us to not to be seized by guilt or frustration - whether it's about your own or  your children's TV watching habits .

Also be very firm about the content which is consumed by children. Should they experience something which needs explanation, we must end confusion by clearing the air about sensitive matters.